{"id":2821,"date":"2020-07-15T12:07:11","date_gmt":"2020-07-15T20:07:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/citizented.com\/?p=2821"},"modified":"2020-07-15T12:07:11","modified_gmt":"2020-07-15T20:07:11","slug":"real-estate-words","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/citizented.com\/?p=2821","title":{"rendered":"Real Estate Words"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I’ve always had a healthy skepticism of words that real estate people use in their marketing. Hell, I’m skeptical of everything everyone uses in their marketing. It’s in my nature. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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“It’s so cozy and rustic and modern!”<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I don’t mean to denigrate the livelihoods of real estate agents. To paraphrase casual racists: Some of my best friends are real estate agents! And to them I say: please don’t take this as an affront. I love you guys. But you must admit there’s some chicanery going on in the estate of real. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Without further ado, here are some real estate weasel words and my cynical translations. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Cozy” = Cramped<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“Contemporary” = Cookie cutter<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“Peaceful” = In the middle of nowhere<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“Custom-built” = Slapped together<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“Elegant” = Fake bourgeois<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“Family Neighborhood” = Screeching kids everywhere<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“Historic” = Falling down<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“Intimate” = Tiny<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“Lifestyle” = Douchey<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“Move-in Ready” = Paint has dried<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“Rustic” = Crusty<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“Transitional” = Poorly considered add-on<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“Unique” = Laughably stupid<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“Wooded” = Dark<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“Sophisticated” = Glasstop coffee table included<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“Upscale” = Overvalued<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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“Modern” = 30 years out of date<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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“Ultra-modern” = Antiseptic and barren<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

“Charming” = Small pre-war crap<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Thanks for reading! Now you are ready to buy the home of your dreams!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’ve always had a healthy skepticism of words that real estate people use in their marketing. Hell, I’m skeptical of everything everyone uses in their marketing. It’s in my nature. I don’t mean to denigrate the livelihoods of real estate … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2821","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cultural","category-fail"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/citizented.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2821","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/citizented.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/citizented.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/citizented.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/citizented.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2821"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/citizented.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2821\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2846,"href":"https:\/\/citizented.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2821\/revisions\/2846"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/citizented.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2821"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/citizented.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2821"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/citizented.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2821"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}