Old People Suck

I'm stupid and worthless!

Old people really suck.

They didn’t always suck. For most of human history, old people were the keepers of wisdom, tribal leaders to be respected and obeyed. Their vast knowledge of life, love and the practical arts were indispensable. Right on up until the early 20th century, old people were to be trusted and cherished.

Then came the great technological leap forward. Old people held their own for a while, keeping up with radio technology and mechanical advancements. But along came TV – the Great Stupifier. It’s ironic that adults complain about how TV rots children’s minds, yet it’s the adults who were rendered idiotic by TV, not their children.

By the 1980’s the Elder Race had watched so much junk TV and ignored everything else in society that they have become utterly worthless. Young people cannot look up to them for insight on anything. Politics, romance, technology, history, science – anything. There is no point in asking an 80-year-old why it’s hot in summer or why Stalin killed Trotsky. They have no fucking idea.

I have nothing to contribute!

Today’s old people have failed to carry the torch of the old people from their generation. And all of society is paying the price. Technology (which they don’t understand even peripherally) keeps them alive well past their due date, resulting in skyrocketing medical costs for all of us.

On my daily drive to work, I see old people. They are out during rush hour, driving 15mph below the speed limit, heading to nowhere in particular. I cut through the mall in the morning to save time, and I see them out walking. After a lifetime of labor in their suburban office parks, they retire and walk around the blank, desolate macadam of the shopping mall. If it wasn’t so heartbreaking, it would be infuriating.

Old people tend to be extremely conservative because they are unwilling and incapable of ingesting new ideas. As far as they are concerned, America won WWII single-handedly, Reagan defeated the Soviets and Vietnam was lost because too many hippies smoked pot. Since they have nothing else to do, they vote regularly and often, always for the most idiotic candidates.

Go, Jesus, go!

Since old people know they are going to die soon, they also tend to be the most religious demographic. Coupling religiosity with stupidity, they have become the backbone of the TV preacher industry. And again, the rest of us have to suffer.

There is, however, some light at the end of the tunnel. Young and middle-aged folks have been consumed by the Information Age. Nowadays, it’s not OK to be too stupid to operate a microwave oven. In fact, it’s not OK to be too stupid to configure a router. I firmly believe that today’s young people will become reasonably sharp old people, much more so than the current crop of geriatric goombahs.

We are at an unfortunate time. Resource depletion, global recession and monumentally stupid, consumptive retirees are burdens that seem impossible to carry. But I have Hope. Yes, I do. If we can stay positive and soldier through the technological and economic hurdles that face us, we will eventually be rewarded by the final demise of the stupidest generation the world has ever known, ushering in a  new age of old people who can thoughtfully contrast modern life with the old days and be relied upon by future generations for guidance and wisdom.

But until then, it’s gomers walking the parking lot of the mall at 7:30am. *sigh*.

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28 Responses to Old People Suck

  1. denny b says:

    i am in love

  2. Sylocat says:

    Another problem is, the “old people” of previous generations were the age range that we now consider “upper-middle-aged.”

    Here’s the thing: Mother nature didn’t design our bodies to last longer than about sixty years. The genes copied when our cells divide keep copying fewer and fewer amino acids each time, so our bodies degenerate. Only now we have technology keeping us around past our expiration date (at enormous costs to the rest of us, at least in America when we have for-profit health insurance coalitions price-gouging us), so that’s thrown the age levels out of balance.

    Of course, the old people of yesteryear weren’t infallible (most of them were protesting the Civil Rights Act, after all), but at least they weren’t senile and a drain on the rest of society.

  3. admin says:

    Sylocat: I agree that medical science has allowed us to live past our “Best by…” date, and that’s a problem for us economically. But in the olden days, people sometimes lived into their 80’s and they offered tremendous wisdom to the young people. Nowadays, I can’t think of an 80-year-old man worth listening to. I *want* to have old, wise people in my society. I think it would be very beneficial. But we don’t. We just have a bunch of dumb, crabby old bastards who complain about everything. Old People Suck. – Citizen Ted

  4. lee says:

    i feel so refreshed reading this. i have felt like part of a dwindling group of people…working hard, so that old folks, who offer nothing back to the community, can get ‘what’s owed them’! THANK YOU!

  5. Lyn says:

    Well I don’t deserve to be disrespected from the elderly just because i was not in the military for ten or more years or I was not a law enforcement officer, I was brought up in a functional family where adults are to be treated with respect and I never expected the elderly to be so bitter, mean and nasty! I will not even talk to them or even look at them if they act like that, I am not supporting their nasty Diva behavior. It’s a bunch of non-sense if you ask me, they are older and they should have enough time to learn how to treat others and if they forgot how to act it’s not on me…. If they can’t behave then they can reside in a home with likewise people of their own caliber…

  6. Wisdom says:

    The Elderly….. your Grandparents…and someday your Parents who raised you when you were worthless… Take heed to what you say… without them there would not be you…

  7. Citizen Ted says:

    I didn’t ask to be born and raised. It was imposed upon me. And besides, if you read my post carefully, you’ll see that I find our historical elders to be treasures. A few generations ago, old people were respected because they actually had valuable knowledge to share with younger people. Nowadays, the elderly have NOTHING to share with younger people. They have no wisdom to impart. They are dumber and less informed than the young people!

    That’s the gist of my post. I can’t believe you didn’t pick that up. I thought it was pretty clear.

  8. Doug says:

    Thanks you for you comments here. I am now one of those “Upper middle age” folks and could not agree with you all more about folks my age and up. I look forward to the day when all the stupid baby boomers have long since left this world. Some of the stupidest people I have met. Yeah I know I am talking about my same age group. But if the stupid fits …….

  9. don matter says:

    at least its halloween!

  10. Jo# says:

    Yes, most old people suck. I think it was the music of the 70’s.No really most of the upper-middle aged people grew up in America in a time when jobs and wages were alot better. It’s hard to see these idiots today making lots of money,about to retire, taking our jobs and critizing the younger generation. We’re sorry we can’t find 6 figure jobs because you dumb bastards sold our country to the arabs,japs and chinese so you could suck down viagra and sit in your rocking chair thinking how you’re masters of the universe. What a joke.Our country has to suffer because of these dipwits. We are the first generation to inherit a worse lifestyle than the previous generation here in America. It’s sad and hopefully soon it will end.I know its better to help your children rather than criticize them. I know alot of the baby boomer generation is like this in their parenting. They think we owe them for being born.Give me a break.

  11. Citizen Ted says:

    Hey Jo;
    Yes, the oldsters really did fail to mop the floors before closing up for the night. But “selling out” to the Chinese, Japanese and Arabs was necessary after the primary FAIL: allowing Reagan and the rest of the NeoCon mongoloids to OK the destruction of the US industrial base. Most boomers didn’t like it and some even tried to stop it. Too little, too late. The reason you’ll never see the white-picket fences of your forefathers is because you won’t be building products; you’ll be stocking them on shelves.

    The good news: right around the corner is the inevitable oil crisis. You can stop worrying about white picket fences and good factory jobs because you will soon be more worried about how to get your two-acre plot of potatoes fertilized.

    I’m old enough to remember Jimmy Carter begging the nation to begin immediate efforts to ween ourselves from oil. In 19-fucking-76. So, Jo, don’t bother comparing your lifestyle to that of the 20th century. Because it’s going to be more like the 18th century.

  12. Jo# says:

    Yes, I did some searching on wikipedia.I think Reagan should have practiced what he preached when saying “Government is the problem”. If you look at debt after Carter, it’s pretty much skyrocked just like CO2 levels.(Clinton being the exception).


    Take a look at the charts starting in the 1980’s with Reagan.

    I don’t see what this country’s problem is, but I guess thats another story.
    If you look at Australia, the cost of living is around just the same as here. I think gas prices are considerably lower. Minimum wage there is around 550.00 after taxes. You get public healthercare. It looks hard to find rental properties but because it seems everyone can afford to buy. I know they don’t have to “police” the world, but maybe if we stopped instigating our own wars so the President and his family can make billions with their defense contracting companies we could afford to raise the quality of life here in America.

  13. Hatin' On says:


    You do owe them for being born, even if you didn’t ask to be.

    Configuring a router is for the wage-slaves I pay to do things that are below my status.It doesn’t qualify you as anything beyond, say, a gardener or the fake mechanic swapping oil at a jiffy lube. Get over yourself. In another time you would be rolling your eyes at your grandpa cuz he couldn’t do the jitterbug.

    The reason old people seem so out of touch is because young people have lost all moral compass, sense of decency, and common sense. If you doubt me, please visit a county college before replying(which I won’t read…trying to figure out this damned microwave). Your typically young, American misplaced belief in your own entitlement only serves to define your narrowness of perspective.

    Can’t wait for you jackholes to get old. It’ll happen faster than you think.
    I’ll let you get back to your old people bashing, but don’t waste too much time blogging…tick tock, soon no attractive women will want to touch your old penis! Better get out of the house and get some!Eat plenty of veggies!

  14. Citizen Ted says:

    Hey Hatin’ On:
    Way to validate my post! Thx!

    BTW: I’m in my late 40’s – I’m no young ‘un. But I somehow manage to keep my skill set current. I involve myself in culture, society, music, art and science. I go with the flow and I experience and embrace new things. And I’ll keep doing it, too. Like I said: not every generation of geriatrics have been useless, ignorant jackasses. It’s really just the baby boomers and their parents. When they all die, the Blank Generation and Gen X will become the silverbacks and we have every intention of burying your purposeful ignorance with you.

  15. B says:

    I could not agree more with the above article. I am currentlly a college student who works as a server in a restaurant. Unfortunately, the restaurant I currently work in has a customer base of mostly old people. While some of them are sweet, lonely, decent tippers who just want someone to talk to, the majority of them are hateful, nasty, crabby, self-entitled douche bags who have no idea what a good tip is for a server. They seem to think I owe them something and they try to get something for free at every turn. As a young child, I always had the preconceived notion that old folks were trust-worty and hard working…but that couldn’t be further from the truth! I simply cannot stand seeing a wrinkly old face anymore! And that feeling comes only from my experiences with them. If it weren’t for our dying social security system or medicare/medicaid (both of which I pay into but don’t benefit from), these bastards wouldn’t even be able to shuffle their decrepid asses into the restaurant. I seriously have a deep seated hatred for the majority of senior citizens. Sure, there are nice ones out there. But for the most part, they just need to fucking die already. I swear, if my parents start behaving like that in their senior years, I will put a stop to that rather quickly. But odds are they won’t, considering that old folks annoy them too. The fact that a 90 something year old man or woman is allowed to operate a motor vehicle is beyong me!! They’re as dangerous behind the wheel as a drunk driver or a 5 year old!

  16. Annie says:

    I used to think old people where nice because my grandmother is. I just graduated from college and the only job that fit with my full time schedule was working night shifts as a caregiver.

    I was disrespected, humiliated and degraded. I have never in my life met so many rude, nasty and mean just plain mean people in my life. I did that all with a smile on my face never saying anything and because I needed that job had to take their abuse for 3 years. Never,ever again. I hate them.

    Working hard is what you should do to get ahead. Working hard? None of these people ever worked 4 12 hour night shifts while going to school full time. I made lots of sacrifices to get my degree. What did they do? Either dropped out of high school got married and never really worked or got on the job training. They don’t know what hard working is and they fucked it up for me.

    Now they sit their thinking they know everything when they don’t know shit. I really had a bad time and at times I left in tears because of them. They treated me like servants where treated 60 years ago and felt they could do it. When I wipe your ass the least you can say is thank you.

    The sheets have to be 1 inch away from the headboard and then you make me measure it? Telling me I don’t know how to do military corners on a bed and I’m stupid because of that? When I asked in a nice way perhaps you can tell me then how to do the corners that way your bed is made the way you like it. They say shit like I don’t pay your agency to send me people I have to teach, everybody knows how to do military corners on a bed. WTF. You just cant win with these people. I served my country. You get benefits because of it and because of that you have to right to treat others like crap.

    I go make a nice dinner and you call my boss saying I made you to much food while I bought it myself to cheer you up because your kids never visit. I bring you a present for Christmas on my own time because once again your kids hate you and don’t visit and you order me to do your laundry and I say I cant because I’m not working and you complain to my boss about it.

    You send me to the store for some medicated soap I never heard off that was popular 50 years ago and when I call you and say they don’t have it and I looked it up on my phone and found a store that carries it and I’m going to have to drive over there so I’m letting you know it will be a extra 40 minutes until I get back, You say they sell that everywhere, your just not looking in the right place, now this is what I want you to do go over to every isle read to me what the items are in the isle ( why would soap be in the cereal isle or dairy?)and look again. This is all in a condescending voice like I’m a idiot. I do it and of course its not anywhere. I even told her I asked a store employee and they had no idea what I was talking about. Now I have a solution I looked it up there is a store selling it and I’m willing to go get it. Do I get a thank you for looking it up, for finding a solution? No, I get and I quote “I want you to get a manager and let me talk to him because your not doing it right” Not, would you mind getting a manager its, go get one. So I go get a manager and explain it to him, he looks at me like WTF , I hand her the phone , my minutes which I don’t have to do. He tells her the same thing I have for the last 20 minutes, she argues with him and wants to talk to his boss he says I’m sorry but I have already told you we do not carry that item, you can fill in a request and gave me the phone back. I had to fill in the request and come back. Where is the logic in this and never a thank you just barking orders and being rude. Still after all that when I got back she still was not convinced and then told me to go to that store I looked up. Total waste of time. I could have just gone to that store when I fucking told her. These examples are nothing in comparison what I went trough in 3 years. They also want everything free or a discount. You don’t have a senior discount? I cannot get a senior discount I know its for you but I cant get that when I go to the store for you. I’m sure if you would just explain it the right way they would do it, no they will not.

    Here, use these expired coupons. The store will not take them, yes they will you just have to convince them and say its for a senior citizen.

    I forgot since your so fucking special the rules don’t apply to you and then you get pissed of at me because the store does not take coupons that expired 6 months ago. They complain about everything and talk shit about everybody. I used to think it was rude that their relatives or kids never visited or rarely called but now I understand.I was always nice and ready to help or find a solution. I always respected them and did everything they asked.They never respected me or had something nice to say. They talk about young people having no manners. How about you old people actually taking your own advice.

    Sorry for the long post but I just had to get this of my chest. I found a job in my field and never have to see them again, I will never be like that and really these people must have treated others like that before. You just don’t wake up one morning and become an asshole and I’m sure some old people are nice but I have not met any and I don’t care anymore. No wonder they have to hire a agency nobody would want to spend any amount of time with these people without getting paid.

  17. Chris jones says:

    I work in retail and I must say its extremely frustrating when elderly people become impatient, rude, and bitter
    when they don’t understand what seems to be a simple concept, and then they turn around and get upset at me because they cant comprehend what’s going on around them. I have respect for my elders but our generations elderly that we have to deal with are stubborn and technologically ignorant; not because of age but because they refuse to grow and adapt

  18. Ashley says:

    After some ancient man pushed me (literally) and my 6 year old daughter out of his way at a restaurant to be seated (both our parties had been called along with a few others to be seared), my daughter frankly told him, his wife and baby boomer daughter that they had cut in line as the waitress took them off to their seat. The boomer daughter looked back as she walked off and told my daughter, “no, honey, we didn’t.” Feeling the maternal need to stick up for my independent, vocal daughter, I replied back, “actually, you did.” Of course, Miss Boomer felt the need to continue the “argument” as she kept walking away reiterating how they had not cut in line.

    We were seated a minute later, and of course we had the luck of being seated at a table very near these treasures of our society. By that point, my daughter and I had moved well beyond this episode and started playing alphabet games on the kid menu that had been given to us. Maybe 10 minutes into our dining experience Miss Boomer trotted herself over to our table and imparted her ancient wisdom to me: Maybe they had cut in front of us, but her father is an elderly citizen and I should teach my daughter respect for her elders.

    Now I should tell you at this point in this story that I’m 6 months pregnant, which I immediately pointed out to the most inconsiderate person I’ve met in a long time. Regardless of the fact that I look like I’m carrying 3 bowling balls in my abdomen and trying to teach a 6 year old to read a child’s menu at a table by myself, this waste of humanity feels the need to come to my table in the middle of my lunch to explain that I should teach my child to respect an ancient person who pushes his way to the front of a line to cut because he needs to sit down faster than I do??

    These people need to learn that respect is earned at any age. Just because you make it to some magic birthday doesn’t mean jack to anyone else, and as a Gen Xer, I’m not teaching my children to respect anyone who has so little regard for others period. Age doesn’t excuse ANYTHING.

  19. lizbeau says:

    You all will be old one day….then you will understand.

    Lighten up. Be polite to them and may be you will learn something.

    Being rude to an old person is like being a wife beater, there is just no way to justify it.

  20. lmtr14 says:

    you’re right about old people, and this is truly the worst time of mankind’s existence to live in

  21. Drake says:

    This is WHY I make it a point to learn about new things and try to expand my horizons, I have seen what complacent old people are like, and since we all will get old no matter how much we don’t want to. We might as well push ourselves to be greater than previous generations.

    I can’t stand current generation old people (baby boomers) as they were raised with this notion they were the end all and be all of this world so now they walk around demanding respect even if they were slacker bums in their youth. Having an ego and an attitude problem is no reason to be respected, and being rude only makes everyone despise you.

    I can hope that once I reach my golden years I will be like my grand parents, in their 70s but very active, competent (they have never had a car accident and they actually use computers and various electronics all the time)They obviously know the key to keeping a young mind and having plenty of courtesy and respect for others.

  22. Bill says:

    I used to wonder when I was young how come so many old people were such assholes. Now that I am in my mid-fifties, I know how it happens. Here it is:
    1. Don’t read books. That way you can stay ignorant.
    2. Don’t keep up your skills, or learn how to use any modern technology. You don’t need to, you learned everything you need to know when you were in high school 50 years ago. Do that, and the modern world will leave you completely confused in about 5 years.
    3. Watch Fox News every day so you can be convinced the world is going to hell.
    4. Conveniently forget everything you did bad when you were young so you can feel holier than everyone else.
    5. Focus on your aches and pains that come with age, and since you don’t read books, or keep up with the modern world, the only thing you will have to talk about is your old age problems (and whatever shit they are saying on Fox News).
    6. Get religion because you are near death. Since most religions preach theirs is the Way and everyone else will go to hell, you can feel more self-righteous, since you KNOW 95% of the world is going to be condemned in the hereafter because they don’t mutter the proper prayers and incantations.
    7. Hang out with other old people to reinforce your stupid ass world view.

    I don’t care what generation you come from, you will be an old asshole too if you follow the above rules. Maybe in the old days old people weren’t such fuckwads because there weren’t so many of them, and the ones that made it to that point did so by being halfway intelligent. Today, every nitwit lives to be 85, and can act like a total douchebag.

    I dread less getting old and falling apart as I approach the final day then I do having to be around fools my own age and listen to them bitch about everything and how we were so much better when we were young that “these young people today”. I’m already hearing that, and for godsakes, I remember my youth and people my age at the time as being dope smoking promiscuous drunken hippies (to include me, except for the promiscuous part, not that I didn’t try…). Shit…

  23. Millie says:

    Hahaha! So true. But like you said, if you come from a generation when jobs were simple, and abundant, and homeownership was as complex as farting, everything should continue to be easy for you for the rest of your life,right? Yup. If you can keep your blinkers on, and your stories long and self involved, it probably will. I think your personality extremes tend to take over as you get older. My gran is nicer, and my grandpa is a more collossal jerk than ever. He actually whistles for her when he wants food. And she comes. Sigh.
    I know a friend of his from their childhood, and they couldn’t be more different. Apparently, my grandpa has always been a prick. After going unchecked for so many decades, in his 90’s now, he’s the rudest person I have ever met. And I work in retail. I explained to my gran that she really needn’t look after him so well, but I don’t think she had her hearing aid in. Sigh.

  24. whatster says:

    I think we should take a new approach to dealing with the problem of old people by forcing them to see truths in the way things work today and helping them realize its not 1932 or 1978 any more. And that wars are created for profitable gains to people that are not the major population of the u.s. and we need to start focusing on making sure elders know whats going on in today’s society

  25. Old people do suck! They think cause there old everything should be handed to them. It was mentioned many of times in other comments that because of medical evolution they are living longer than they are suppossed to. That really pisses me off they would be better off dead. Doctors putting pace makeres in people so they can live longer and for no reason other than to sit on their asses an watch tv and babble on about God and Jesus. My marraige was destroyed over a fuck wad old woman aka my mother in law. My father in law died and he took care of her her waited on her hand and foot and bathed her he enabled her to the point she was disabled. My husbands siblings who all lived in differnt states than we did decided we were going to live with mom they told us thay didn’t ask. I told my husaband no she either had to live alone or one of his 3 siblings had to take her or she had to go into a home. My reasons being all she ever talked about was religion. Being an athiest this annoyed me. Also I said she is in bad shape and she is only going to get worse. I have no desire to wait on her hand and foot. He said she will do for her self she just doesn’t want to be alone. Also she was incotnent with bad hygine and smelled. She couldn’t mstand up unless her motorized chair put her in the up right position she didn’t even sleep in bed because of tthat reason. Also we built her a handycapped bathroom she could clean herself. Any way we moved in and she didn’t do anything for herself as I suspected. She didn’t get her own food or drink. She wouldn’t even turn on the. God damn light. She didn’t clean herself despite the fact the handycapped bathroom for her. For 2 moths she just sat there in her own filth as I got her her food an drink. I couldn’t bathe her even if I wanted to I am only 95 pounds and this woman was well over 300 pounds. I forgot to metion she was not only peeing herself she was shitting herself too. Refusing to move and refusing to go to the hospitol. Everytime I pointed out any of this to my husband he made excuses for her and yelled at and insulted me. She could do what ever she wanted because she was old and over weight and sad over the loss of her husband. I don’t believe she couldn’t do these things she wouldn’t and there is a huge difference. She wasn’t senile or anything she always had a grasp on reality so ther was no excuse. When she died my husband couldn’t accknowldge the damage his mother did to. Our marraige because he could only focus on his dead mother. So we eventually feel apart. To this day he just sees me as a brat who didn’t get her way and can’t accknowldge that his mother had done anything wrong. I will hate old people forever because of her. That’s why I believe old people suck.

  26. Uncle Ted says:

    I’ve seen a lot of old people who are really nice. I have also seen alot who are not. My granny is 80 and texts , emails, has satellite tv, takes cross country trips, feeds every body, and won’t ask for any help that she’s not willing to pay for. I have also met mean old bastards like most of the examples listed here. They were douche bags when they were young. Now they are old douche bags. You can’t stereo type all old people, they’re just like young people. It takes all kinds. I don’t feel obligated to show any special favors to them for any reason. I grew up rough, worked crap jobs, got thrown out of my house after I graduated high school because my parents “did their job” joined the Marines, went to war, came back, got a degree, got a good job, had a family, and I’m a still a super nice guy. So if old people have manners, ill be nice and listen to their stories and get something off the grocery store shelf. If they want to act like a douche bag, ill treat them just like a teenager douche bag. There is no excuse for bad manners no matter what the age.

  27. Loud Whisper says:

    I’m just a struggling family man in a bad economy yet I just blew over $5000.00 to rescue my wealthy parents from being abducted by some Elder Protective Services Group. Because Dad is a Hoarder with four houses in a row piled high with crap and my completely delusional mother squatting in the middle of the living room to pee on the rug creating a health hazard, they both got sick. Of course now he has reneged on paying me back or putting my mom in a home cause he’s to miserly. All the siblings tried to take legal action to get conservator-ship over my mom cause she now likes to snack on rat droppings. But as it turns out he can afford more and better lawyers. So now we wait… next time there on deaths door from inhaling dehydrated fecal dust… I wont be bailing them out I’ll get them locked up.

    I can’t figure out what happened,Dad always seemed eccentric but when he hit 80 an he became a lunatic.

    He says he’s trying to save his grand children’s inheritance. but he is doing it at the expense of his own offspring. The ones who care the most take the biggest hit.

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