I’m b-a-a-a-a-ck! Did you miss me?
And I return with Great News! Back in 2011, I formed Nihilists for the GOP (NGOP), a SuperPAC dedicated to the utter destruction of American life. It was our fervent belief that the United States needed to be brought low so it may one day rise again: newer, better, stronger. The endless see-saw between incompetent Republican leadership and band-aid Democratic fixes was leaving our country in the doldrums.
Suddenly, a ray of hope appeared. The GOP was invaded by a virus known as the Tea Party. This modern version of the Know-Nothings morphed the GOP from a party of cynical corporate lackeys into a party of demented extremist morons. The NGOP saw opportunity here. But we had no idea how well it would actually work. How well?
“How does this help?”, you ask? More likely: “WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT?”, you ask?
It’s like this: western democracies are prone to fascism. Fascists aren’t always goose-stepping crazies in leather uniforms. Fascists are often happy friendly smiley people in three-piece suits. But fascism is a road to self-destruction. Like its doppelganger authoritarian-communism, fascism is a monster that devours itself and leaves in its wake misery and death.
How can we avoid this fate? WE DON’T.
Two of the greatest regional democracies on Earth are Japan and Germany. Remember them? After a few decades of fascist blundering, they were utterly destroyed by the sane forces of the Allies. Most importantly: from the ashes rose two nations dedicated to regional stability and civil rights. Not only did they rise; they flourished.
Back in 2011, the NGOP advocated electing idiotic, amoral, deranged psychopaths like Rick Santorum and Sarah Palin. We assumed they could ably lead us directly into the toilet bowl. We had NO IDEA there would appear on the horizon a candidate so fabulously dumb, so superlatively incompetent, so mindlessly depraved, that all the others would have to bow down to his Supreme Imbecility. NOW WE HAVE THAT MAN.
The NGOP was surprised, to say the least.
You see: we have long ago given up on the dream that America would follow the rest of the civilized world. Our initial fear that Bernie Sanders would win the candidacy and help America join the ranks of sane societies was gleefully dashed by the arrogant forces at the helm of the Democratic party. Always eager to to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, the party leadership sunk the USS Sanders and slapped a coat of paint on the tired old battleship Clinton.
Initially, we thought this misstep might actually work. To our delight, we were wrong. She lost big-time.
The president of the United States is a monumentally stupid fascist. To his credit (and our delight), he doesn’t hide it. He REVELS in it, as do his followers.
This is the beginning of the end of America’s unstable flirtation with sort-of-in, sort-of-out fascism. We are now ALL IN.
Sit back and watch the descent. We can’t say exactly what form America’s fall will take, but if we were betting men we’d put some serious cash down on a severe recession, alienation from all our allies, and enough civil strife to choke all areas of public order. In the end, from the ashes of a devastated nation shall rise a new America. Like a parent attending a child who has fallen off his bike and skinned his knee, our allies will be there for us in the end. They shall teach us their ways, and in a few decades we will realize our full potential.
Until then, hold on to your fucking seats because the ride’s about to get very bumpy indeed.
And to all the Trumpists out there: Thank you for all your support! ♥